I admit, I am afraid of a lot of things that I should not actually be afraid of...
I am afraid of being attacked, abducted, raped and/or murdered (more than likely in my house, at a gas station, or out front of the McGills).
All of those things are fears of mine...along with being bitten by a black widow spider, having my Achilles tendon cut by the person hiding under my car, and my house catching on fire while I'm in the shower or only in underpants and having to run outside devoid of clothing.
To be honest, I think these are viable fears. I am mocked to no end, by people who call themselves my friends, about being overly afraid of things that will never happen. I think NEVER is a strong word.
The truth is, these things happen all the time...why couldn't they happen to me?
Some say if I truly trusted God I wouldn't be afraid. To which I answer, God allows bad things to happen...so I can trust Him and still expect the unexpected.
I'm not saying that I am not living life because I am paralyzed by my fear...all I'm saying is if there is a sudden ambush or fire, follow me, because I would have been planning my escape route since I walked in the room.
5 comments:
My dear friend... FOr the past couple months, I have been studying Mark, a book that I had never read much before. John, then Matthew seem to be the most popular gospels. I ended up walking away with so much about fear. I'm not sure if the writer intended this or if God drew it out of me. I would love to share some with you when I see you on Wednesday. Also, you should know that I now want to hide outside of McGill's and jump out when you leave and yell DANGER!!!
I almost put something in the post about "please do not try to hide somewhere and scare me"...
I don't think you understand the fear...I make Matt walk me out and I sometimes close the garage door while I am still in my locked car...
You failed to mention, sleeping only to be waken up by a huge scary ugly violent man standing over you and not being able to scream for help.
Ask whoever truly trusts God if they are afraid and I am sure they will falter right there in front of you. It's our nature to be afraid; God has given us that nature. Being afraid is one of many things that lead us toward, not away from God. In fact many people in the Bible where afraid. Moses for example, or Mary even. What woman would not be fearful if they carried the Son of God? Most of us are afraid of failure but choose not to admit it. The fear of not admitting it is giving into the fear itself. I'm thankful that I am afraid. It shows me that I cannot rely on others or myself for comfort but God.
No one who has not ever experienced a rape can say “this is what I would do” They have not been there, they don’t know how they would react. They like the rest of us are afraid. Many times I have wondered if I would hold to the Martyrs prayer I took during the summer of ’99. I have reflected and imagined a scenario a million times over; the room is dark except for a small window in the upper corner of an old weathered brick wall. My attacker’s breath is warm on my neck, his left hand and left knee pinning my body to the musty dirt covered ground. I’m gasping for breath while he holds a 9mm to my temple. “Will you deny him?” he asks, all I can do is sputter a few pathetic grunts as the air drains from my lungs. “Deny Him!” he yells in my ear, “and you will live.” What would I do? What would any of us do? We can speculate but never facing the situation means we never half to face the answer. We are afraid.
Post a Comment