Saturday, April 02, 2011

Trying To Get Down To The Heart Of The Matter...

I have had several conversations around the topic of forgiveness in the last week.
Church was all about forgiveness last week.
It seemed as though every student I met with this week was dancing around forgiveness.

And I just kept thinking, "Is there anyone in my life that I need to forgive?"
And the answer was always no.

I am quick to forgive.
most of the time.
I {in the last few years} have grown incapable of not saying how I feel. That is to say, of keeping my emotions inside.

It seems like so much work to expect someone to know what I'm thinking or feeling; like unnecessary amounts of frustration or tears because they are not responding they way they should know that I want them to.

So, instead, I just tell them...

I do my best to "speak from my 'I' voice" (you know: "when you do this, I feel this"). It is never my intention to hurt feelings simply because my feelings are or were hurt.

I think I resolve conflicts. (I don't think I run toward them, but I don't shy away from them.)
I think I talk it out, forgive and move on.

but...

I don't think I'm great at asking for forgiveness.
Often, I'm unaware, in the midst of my selfishness, busyness or noisiness.
I forget that I could whirlwind others in to feeling left-out, overlooked or even blatantly hurt.

And so it is with new eyes that I have been facing the world in the last few days.
I suppose there is some growth in my future...

2 comments :

david.pasyyl said...

God is always all about growth. The idea of never giving up, never feeling quite "perfect", and always striving to seek Him out.

It's facinating because I've also come across the idea of forgiveness lately, and though I have a few people in my life I NEED to forgive, mostly from my childhood, I've come to find that it's not only humans I need to forgive, but the 'Dark Side' as well.

At one point we looked up to "he who appears as an Angel of light" but he let us down, disappointed us and did horrible things to man/woman that God NEVER intended nor wished for.

I believe that in the road to finding the Lord, perhaps if we can forgive humans for their transgressions against us, how much more of a blessing would it be to forgive the one who hurt us all the most?

Straight forgiveness, across the board.

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